To the Future from the Past
by princ3ssf33t
Summary: Packing the last of the items of their old lives, Riza comes across something that could change their future. Written for Royai Week 2017. Theme: Letters


Riza removed the rest of the hangers from the closet and set them in the box. It was already filled with other miscellaneous items she had found and gathered from around the bedroom. A small bedside lamp, a couple of empty picture frames that had been hidden behind the dresser, one of Hayate's balls, and an old book about the alchemical properties of gases. Just small things that the movers had missed when they took the large furniture out of the apartment.

Not that they really needed to move the furniture out of the apartment. The presidential mansion would be fully furnished when they moved in.

Riza's lips ticked upward at the thought. They had finally made it. _Roy_ had finally made it. All of the trials and the hard work paid off in the end and Roy was the leader of the nation. The image of Roy being sworn in on stage in front of a crowd of thousands would remain burned in her memory for the rest of her life. Even though she had been on duty, not even her stoic professionalism could prevent the smile from breaking across her face that day.

The same smile was spreading across her face now. Turning back to the closet, Riza stood on her tiptoes to see if there was anything left on the top self in Roy's closet. He had been whisked away to a meeting with foreign dignitaries to discuss their treaty and had asked Riza if she would finish clearing his apartment for him. She responded with a dry quip about it being her day off and not being his wife, to which he gave a brief smile she couldn't decipher before dropping a kiss to her forehead and leaving to meet Havoc outside.

Her eyes barely peeked over the edge of the shelf. There was a large amount of dust on the shelf with a few voids where boxes had been. She sighed and went to grab a dusting rag when a small box tucked into the corner of the shelf caught her attention. Reaching as far as she could on her tiptoes, she grabbed at the box. When she finally had it in hand, she pulled it across the dusty shelf, raining specks of dust down onto her head.

She sneezed at the irritants but looked at the box closer. It wasn't coated in the layer of dust that the rest of the shelf had been and was in fairly good condition when compared to the other boxes she had unloaded from his closet. Her curiosity flared and she removed the cover to look inside.

There were papers inside. Some were yellowed more than others, indicating the age in which they were added to the pile. Her fingers drifted over them, feeling the edges underneath, before she picked one at random and pulled it from the box. The worn paper crinkled as she unfolded it, and Riza's breath caught. It was a letter.

Addressed to her.

The date was faded and blurred by water but the year was legible. From the year it was likely to have been written sometime after her father's funeral and the subsequent sharing of the secrets of Flame Alchemy. Riza glanced back at the box and wondered if they were all like this one. Letters addressed to her. She licked her lips quickly before sitting down on the sill of the window, letter in hand. The box she set on the floor beside her.

For the first time, she read the old letter scrawled out by the familiar chicken-scratch of her oldest friend.

* * *

 _Dear Miss Riza,_

 _Forgive me. My train back to Central leaves in two hours from the time I've sat down to pen this letter to you, and by the time you read it I'll be on my way down the tracks. I suppose I could have woken you prior to leaving, but you finally were in a sleep that seemed free from your nightmares, and I didn't want to disturb that._

 _No. I don't want to feed you another lie, even if it holds truth in it. I left without saying a proper goodbye because I'm ashamed. You've given me so much in these past few weeks, more than you'll ever know, and there's little I can do to repay you. You gave me a way help the nation, yet I could not help you when you needed my help most. Please forgive me for that too._

 _I'll return to you and pay back my debt to you one day. I don't know when that would be, or what I may be bringing you, but I swear that I'll come back. Wait for me._

 _Your Friend,_

 _Lt. Roy Mustang_

* * *

Lowering the letter down to lap, Riza thought of the morning she had woken up to find that Roy had left for the State Alchemist's exam. Ironically, it was due to a nightmare that she woke up.

She glanced down at the letter and pursed her lips together. Did he still think he owed her? Because he didn't. If he had at one time, he had paid for it in full by now. In any case, she still needed to talk with him about the 'debt'.

Folding the letter, she replaced it in the box and looked through a few more of the letters. Every one she opened was addressed to her. Though the way she was addressed changed as the date progressed. The earliest letters were addressed formally, always with 'Miss' preceding her name. But those eventually disappeared and he simply used her first name. The content of the letters were all similar. He catalogued what he did during the day. The training he was doing, the research he was conducting, the antics his family would get into at the Madame's bar. Occasionally he rhetorically inquired about what Maes was doing. A sad smile would appear when the younger Roy talked about his friend. From the dates of the letters, Maes would have been in Ishval for the majority of them.

The next letter she drew from the box had no addressee, no date, no signature. It held only two sentences, and Riza's heart dropped. While the other letters had been written from the heart of a boy that was still somewhat naïve and hopeful, this one was not. She had no doubt when this one had been written. Ishval.

* * *

 _Don't wait for me. I'm not worth it._

* * *

Riza's fist clenched against her thigh. She didn't know where the surge of anger in her veins was directed towards Roy or towards the corrupt government that had manipulated and betrayed their country. Towards the homunculi that played people like puppets on strings.

In the end though, it didn't really matter. They were all complicit in the act. They all bared the blame.

She picked up the next letter after returning the scrap in her hand to the box. The new one in her hand wasn't in much better condition than the small scrap she returned. The whole thing was crinkled, like it had once been waded into a ball before it was smoothed back out. In addition, there were places where the paper was warped due to water, sweat or tears. It didn't matter at this point. It wouldn't make a difference.

The noise that filtered in from the street grew louder. More vehicles were being driven on the road to get to their owners to their places of work on time. Voices, male and female, shouted into the street after others reminding them of things forgotten.

They all drowned in the scream the paper gave.

* * *

 _God damn you, Riza Hawkeye. Why did you have to come_ _ **here**_ _? To this hell? This is not the place for someone like you, with your kind disposition and generous attitudes. This is not the place for people who want to do good for the people._

 _Whatever happened to you reconnecting with your mother's side of the family? To finding something that you could claim as your own? Your father didn't leave you with many options, and I know that you are brilliant enough to go on to achieving a higher level of education. I know you talked about that, before all of_ _ **this**_ _._

 _You haunt my dreams, did you know that? On the nights I'm even capable of sleeping at all. There were times when all I could think of was your father's face, your face, when you learned of what I was doing with the alchemy that you gave me. The way your disappointment would be written across your face; a stone face with the saddest eyes I've ever seen. It plagued me along with the faces and screams of the people I murdered with my flames._

 _But my nightmares couldn't hold a candle to seeing that expression in real life. Because it wasn't the same. Because it was like looking into a mirror and seeing all of the loathing I had for myself personified and taking the form of someone who once cared for me._

 _Do you loathe me as I do? There are times when I wish you do. Yet there are times, lowly selfish times where I wish that there was some small piece of your heart that could forgive me. But as I said it's selfish. There's nothing I could ever do to regain that trust I've broken and to erase the pain I've caused and will continue to cause._

 _I guess I could say I'm sorry, but such simple words would never cover everything I've done. Perhaps one day, I could find something more than words to achieve these things, but until then, all I can offer are my words. And for that, I'm sorry._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Mjr. Roy Mustang_

* * *

Riza dropped the letter to her lap and rested her hands over the words. There was so much about Ishval that had broken everyone. But he was right. She had hated him. Almost as much as she hated herself for not realizing that her father had taught her everything she would need to know. Those in power would do anything to exercise their will upon those below them, even if, especially if, they were working for the greater good. She had her father's ink to remind her of that fact every single day.

The street outside quieted down a little. Vehicles were still making their way across the stones, but the large amount of shouting that had been going on had ceased. A few birds twittered as they flew overhead. Riza breathed deeply.

They had changed so much since then. Yet, in a way they didn't change at all. His dreams could still be idealistic, and she believed in him and his dreams.

Riza folded the letter and returned it to this proper place in the box. There were only a couple letters left inside that she hadn't read. She stole a glance at the wristwatch she had been gifted and attempted to gauge how much time she needed to get across town to the presidential mansion. Perhaps if they got everything moved in and in their proper places, she could have the rest of her day off to herself. Perhaps she could finally sit down and finish the book she'd been attempting to read for the past few months but kept having to set aside.

She had time, she decided, and reached in for the last two letters. Neither one looked to be any thicker than the other letters and therefore shouldn't take very long for her to read. Leaning back against the windowsill, once again, Riza read the words written to her by her oldest friend.

* * *

 _Lieutenant,_

 _It seemed like only yesterday you agreed to stand and my side and help push me to the top of this country's military so I might change this country to right the wrongs it committed in the past. And true to your word you've been there at my side, always dependable, always someone I could count on. But now you're not. You're gone, pried from my side in an attempt to keep me in line in a much larger game than we expected._

 _I can swear up and down that I know you'll be alright. That you won't do anything that would put yourself into any more danger than I've already put you in. That you are strong and capable, and anything they throw at you, you'll be able to handle in your own way._

 _But there's something else. Something I've come to realize recently and haven't been able to bring myself to actually confront. And I probably don't even have to tell you, because you already know. You always seem to know things before I tell them to you. I don't know how you do it, but I am in awe every time you do it._

 _But here it goes. I, Roy Mustang, love you, Riza Hawkeye. It's stupid and nothing can ever come out of it, you would make sure of that, but it doesn't mean that it's any less true. Perhaps I've loved you for a long time now, but I've never really been the most observant when it came to things like that have I?_

 _And I know my timing is terrible. Discovering that the leader of the country is a homunculus and that they have some dastardly plans for everyone in this country, and forcing you to become a hostage isn't the best time to confess and realize what the feeling I've had for a while is. But as the saying goes, you never know what you have until it's gone._

 _I promise you Riza, I will find a way to topple this and return you to my side. Whatever it takes, however long it takes, I will get you out from under that homunculus' thumb. Take that to heart._

 _Wait for me._

 _Yours,_

 _Roy_

* * *

Riza couldn't help the small laugh from escaping her throat. Even when they were young, he always seemed to be cursed with poor timing. She remembered one time, he spent the whole morning working up the nerve to ask her to for a walk with him, only for it to start raining the moment the question left his lips. She teased him about that for the rest of his stay as her father's apprentice about that.

So she wasn't surprised to hear that the moment he became aware of his feelings for her was in the moment it appeared he was losing her. Riza would have been more surprised if he hadn't.

Trading the letter she had read with the only one she hadn't read yet, she hoped that he wouldn't talk about the Promised Day. Not because she didn't want to know what he had thought about what happened that day, but because she already knew.

There had been a lot of time just to themselves after the Promised Day. All those days in the hospital, sleeping in beds across the room from each other. With her under strict orders from the doctor to limit her movements due to her injuries and loss of blood, and him with his loss of sight, there hadn't been much else they could do. Their friends had come around frequently, but visiting hours only lasted so long, and there was still so much to do with half of Central Command destroyed in the Promised Day's proceedings.

With all of the time they had to themselves, they did the only thing they could. They talked. From the meaningless trivia, like Hayate's favorite food, to the deep questions and topics that needed to be discussed between them. What had happened on the Promised Day had been covered in depth over and over again. To have to read over that once again would be redundant at this point.

Riza shifted in her perch for a moment, she flipped open the last page waiting for her to read.

There was the tell-tale sound of the hall outside the apartment creaking as someone walked across it, but Riza paid it no attention. She was already deep into the words that had been carefully written across the page in her hand.

* * *

 _Riza,_

 _You've been through so much in your life. Much of it at the hands of other people. Yet you were stronger than all of them. When your mother died and it was only you and your father, you stepped up and took care of everything that needed to be done, even though it wasn't your responsibility. You managed to keep your father and yourself alive, even with the little that you had. You may not have thrived, but you survived. You survived Ishval, and you stood by my side afterwards. A fact that even now, I find myself somewhat amazed at._

 _Looking back upon my life, the near constant thing I can remember is you. You were always standing beside me in some way. Like when I was only an apprentice under your father's tutelage, you were there making sure that I remembered to do silly things such as eating and doing laundry. Then you were there in Ishval making sure my dumb ass didn't get killed. Something you continued to do after we returned home and to the East. Even when we were forced apart in the months leading up to the Promised Day, I know you were still looking out to make sure I wasn't dumb enough to get killed._

 _But I almost lost you that day. Just as you almost lost me. And ever since we've been dancing around each other, unwilling to move forward, but unable to go back to what we had been before. I refuse to go back into the dark. I've made it as far as I can with you pushing me from behind._

 _Now please don't think that I'm casting you aside. I'm not. I never could. I'm merely suggesting a change in position. You may not think that it's wise, but I've never been the smartest when it comes to matters of the heart have I?_

* * *

Riza jerked her head up and out of the reading. He couldn't really be suggesting what she thought he was suggesting. Her hands gripped the side of the paper a little bit tighter. It just wasn't possible. That much had been decided when she accepted the position to stand at his side as his bodyguard and adjunct. They were never to become anything more than that.

But they had. The years of working side by side with one another, the unspoken words inside of them, the way they couldn't help but put the other's needs and priorities over their own, built up. They bottled it down, but the Promised Day broke the wax seal and pulled the cork. Everything rushed to the surface and they couldn't contain it anymore.

She could still remember the way everything crashed in the living room of her apartment late one night. And as much as she knew that it was wrong, Riza wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

The wood floor creaked again, closer than the hall outside the apartment this time. Riza's head spun to look at the door to the bedroom, hand already reaching under her skirt to grasp her gun. It was unlikely to be anyone of real threat, but training never went away.

Riza found that it was the very man she had been reading letters from.

"Sir? What are you doing here?" Riza stood from where she sat and attempted to hide the letter in her hand. "I thought you had a meeting with the ambassador to Aerugo this morning?"

Roy scratched at the back of his head. His face tilted down, but he maintained eye contact with the woman standing across the room to him.

"It was postponed. Something came up that needed my attention right away. I'm hopeful the ambassador can understand and would be willing to extend his trip for an extra day or so while I attend to this."

Riza's mind spun. If something had happened that needed his attention right at this moment, why was he there, with her, in a nearly empty apartment? If something happened shouldn't he be at Central Command, arguing with his generals about the right course of action to handle the situation?

The little voice in the back of her mind whispered about the letter she still had in her hand. No, that couldn't be it. Logically, he wouldn't have postponed a meeting as important as one with their neighbor to the south to do what he implied in his letter. His letter that she wasn't sure she was supposed to be reading in the first place.

"Sir, I'm afraid I don't understand."

Roy smiled at her and walked closer. She watched as his eyes darted to the letter in her hand, to the box it came out of, then back to her. There was a familiar twinkle in his eyes that she had come to associate with trouble over the years. He reached out and grabbed the hand that wasn't holding the letter. It was her left hand.

"Riza, there are so many things that have gone unsaid between us over the years. And a lot of it doesn't need to be said. Not when we know each other the way that we do. You probably already know what I'm about to say, but I'm going to say it out loud. Because there are some things that need to be spoken out loud." Roy raised her hand up to his lips and pressed a kiss to her palm before dropping it down to press it against his heart. "Riza Hawkeye, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

Riza stared up at him. He couldn't possibly—But he did. He did and he was waiting for an answer. She swallowed.

"I thought it was customary for the proposer to get down on one knee? And have a ring in hand?" She couldn't keep the smile from spreading across her face.

Without letting go of her hand, Roy dropped to a knee faster than she could disengage the safety and fire a shot on her gun. His free hand groped around in his pocket for a moment or two before he pulled out a simple gold band with a single stone on it. He offered it up to her, his face beginning to accumulate perspiration near his hairline. His mouth was slightly open, ready to respond to her answer at any moment. His eyes were hopeful.

Riza knew she should refuse. She was chief of his security staff at the moment, and it was a job she took with utmost seriousness. But there was no more pushing for her to do. Only guiding him to ensure he keeps his promise with every decision he made from now on. And perhaps she would be able to keep him there better if she were his wife, to be at his side when he needs her the most, than his adjunct, whose job ended when the work hours were over for the day.

She didn't recall saying anything, but suddenly he was up on his feet again and she was gathered into his arms. He was kissing her, and she was kissing back to seal the decision. The cool metal band was slipped on her finger while her attention was elsewhere.

Roy drew back. Riza could see that his face was beaming. She wondered how she looked. It was probable that she had a smile very similar to his spread across her face.

"Thank you Riza. Thank you so much for waiting for me. Even if you did it in your own way." Roy leaned down and rested his forehead against hers.

Riza closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling themselves closer together.

"You didn't even have to ask."


End file.
